Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
