I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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