Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
