Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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