I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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