my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
