I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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