I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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