He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
