Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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