i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
