absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
