I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
