Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
