she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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