Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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