I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
