So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
