Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
