in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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