I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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