She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
