And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
