I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
