They should really pass out barf bags in church
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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