I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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