Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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