cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
