no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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