My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
