He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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