The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
