with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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