Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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