I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
