I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
