Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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