Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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