True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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