I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
