The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
