if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
