I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
