If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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