so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
