I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
