Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
