when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
