My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
