We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
