i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
