We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
